


My Middle Name From Now on Is Spontaneous

by Savageandwise



Series: Love in the Time of Corona [9]
Category: Music RPF, Oasis (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Corona fic, F/M, Gallaghercest | Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher Incest, Liam at home, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savageandwise/pseuds/Savageandwise
Summary: After weeks on tour, Liam settles back into life at home. It's looking more and more like the government might put the country on lockdown. What better time to reconcile with your long lost brother?
Relationships: Liam Gallagher/Debbie Gwyther, Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher
Series: Love in the Time of Corona [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747696
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32





	My Middle Name From Now on Is Spontaneous

March 5th, 2020

Sometimes Liam could see the future. He didn't have to be drunk or high to do it either. It was a feeling in his gut. A sort of vibrating and then a chill. He was almost always right. He knew they'd get a record deal, he knew he'd marry Patsy. He knew Noel would leave him. You didn't have to be psychic to know that one, you just had to know Noel. He also knew Noel would be back one day. He just knew it, like he knew his own name. Liam knew something was coming. Not just with Noel, more on a global scale. And not just because he wasn't thick, he watched the news and he could put two and two together. The world was going to change, and fast. Things were going to get harder before they got better. And if they were going to get harder, Liam figured he might as well get leathered.

"The idea was you go off the booze for a couple weeks when we get back," Debbie said, lowering the volume on the telly and pointedly staring at the bottles of lager lined up on the table in front of him.

Liam had been watching the news 24/7 since they got back. He couldn't shake the fear that he'd picked up this Corona virus somewhere while on tour. He'd been checking his temperature every twenty minutes or so for days. Finally, Debbie had confiscated the thermometer.

"You haven't got sore throat or anything, you silly billy. And your temperature is perfectly normal."

Once he stopped worrying about himself he started worrying about his family. Mam was getting on in years and the virus was particularly hard on the elderly. He worried about Lennon and Gene and Molly. He worried about little Gemma even though he'd never met her. He worried about Bod. And Noel. He worried about Noel so much it made him sick to his stomach and then he would worry he'd caught the virus.

He called Mam to check in on her daily and insisted she have her shopping delivered. She shouldn't have to go out where people might be about who hadn't bothered to wash their hands and didn't cover their mouths when they sneezed. He tentatively asked if she'd heard from Noel. 

"What about the other one, has he rung?"

"You can say his name, Liam. He's your brother," Peggy said firmly.

"Has Noel rung? Is Noel looking in on you?" Liam demanded. Every time he said the name, his heart did a little squeeze in his chest. 

"Yes, Noel rings me. He's rung up my GP as well."

"Controlling fucker," Liam spat.

"You've had my shopping delivered, I'll remind you."

"Yeah, well," Liam mumbled. "All the same. So he's well, is he?"

On the other end of the phone, Peggy sighed. "Now, Liam. Haven't you had enough of this nonsense? You're not little children anymore."

"Haven't _I_ had enough? I'm well over it, me. When he shows up to apologise, I'll be right here ready for it. Ain't like I'll be going anywhere else any time soon, is it?"

"With everything going on, Liam, you'll want to stop waiting for him to come round and think about extending that olive branch before it's too late. You owe him an apology, too, you know," she pressed.

"You tell him that, too? You tell him to apologise to me?" he burst out. 

He was pacing and waving his hands about so wildly that Debbie looked up from where she was peeling carrots and glared at him. Peggy sighed again. 

"You didn't do, did you?" Liam said explosively. "You never tell him what's what, do you? You just let him be, cos he doesn't like to rock the boat. Well, there's two of us involved. Go ask him to come crawling to me on his hands and knees."

Peggy made an irritated clicking sound with her tongue. "That's enough of that. You're the sensible one, Liam."

Liam made a sound of protest in the back of his throat, wandered over to Debbie, who had moved on to the potatoes now. He took hold of one of her starchy hands and squeezed it. She set down the peeler and stood there patiently.

"Noel is Noel," Peggy said firmly. "But I know your heart's in the right spot. The both of you. You miss him."

A lump formed in his throat. "I don't." His voice came out all croaky like he'd swallowed a frog.

"Ah, you do. I've stayed out of it for all these years, because it's between the two of you, but I'd like to see all my sons in one place before I go," Peggy said.

"None of that talk!" Liam exclaimed crossly. Occasionally she'd get like this, all maudlin, really turning the guilt on.

"He was very ill some years back, you know. They gave him pills. Very secretive, he was...always was, our Noel, even as a boy," Peggy sighed. He could imagine her shaking her head as she held onto the phone.

"He looks well enough, when I seen him on the telly and in the papers," Liam said stubbornly.

"Neither of you are exactly the picture of health. Your lifestyles don't allow for it."

"Are you saying he's ill?" Liam asked. "Is that what you're saying? What's wrong with him?"

Noel had always been paranoid his heart would give out one day. Liam didn't know how many times he'd had to listen to him describe the tight feeling in his chest, his heart racing and his head spinning. It was always just anxiety, wasn't it? Of course he hadn't seen Noel in years and years. He might have developed heart issues, for all Liam knew.

"He's not ill right this moment. But the virus is worse for those with existing conditions, you know. Both of you should be extra careful."

"He's turned into a right boring cunt. Tofu and sparkling water and daily workouts," Liam spat. He dropped Debbie's hand and leaned against the kitchen counter. 

"Nothing wrong with staying healthy, Liam," Peggy said.

Though he wasn't big on outright lying, he told her he had to help Debbie chop the vegetables just to break off the conversation.

"Chopping vegetables, are you?" Peggy laughed. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"I'll send you a photo. You can show all your friends."

Now that he'd said it out loud, Debbie held him to it. She handed him the peeled carrots and had him chop them into thin round slices. 

"Careful with your fingers. I still need them. Sausage fingers," she said affectionately.

He gave her a distracted sort of kiss. He insisted everything was fine, it was just that time of the year again, when Peggy was on him to make things right with Noel. Debbie rubbed his shoulders reassuringly, but the harm was done. He kept close to Debbie while she prepared their tea, wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his cheek against her back. Usually she'd chase him away and tell him to go play in the traffic until she'd finished cooking but today she let him hug her. Hours after the phone call, Liam couldn't shake the idea that Noel might be ill. 

After tea Debbie poured herself a glass of wine, went out into the garden to call Katie and left him watching the news. He was only going to have one Peroni and leave it at that, but after three he poured himself a healthy amount of vodka with a splash of tonic and called Noel.

For once, he actually allowed himself to hope Noel might answer the phone. Maybe he was sat there in Hampshire, drinking a beer, worrying about his little brother. Noel didn't answer. And again he didn't answer. And again and again. Liam wasn't even sure how many times he'd called. His head was buzzing with booze and fear and anger, and every time Noel didn't answer, Liam wrote another desperate text. He was falling hard and fast down that rabbit hole. He'd reached the point where he didn't care anymore. He was ready to burn everything down and just yell abuse at Noel's voicemail, but when he heard his brother's message, all he managed to say was, "I need you. To talk to you...cos I fucking need you."

His eyes were stinging as he slammed his thumb on the red icon, ending the phone call. He thought about Paul telling him he was wasting his time. How could he be wasting his time? He wasn't ever going to give up on Noel, no matter what he told people, he wasn't ever going to reach his limit. Noel was his brother and that was forever.

"You have a run in with an electric razor? You look like one of them kids got shaved cos of lice."

That's what Noel had said one of the few times they'd spoken face to face after the break up. He'd been at a game and someone had told him he'd seen Noel one flight down. Of course he found himself face to face with him. He looked good, Noel did. He had his hair cut recently and his jacket was new, his jeans hung on his hips like they'd been drawn on. He wore a white collarless linen shirt, open at the neck. He looked effortlessly stylish, which probably meant a lot of thought and effort had gone into his clothes. Liam put some thought into his outfit himself. Running into Noel at a game was always a possibility. 

"Needed a change," Liam said.

A great many things had changed since they last stood this close to one another. Liam's marriage was over. He had a fourth child now: Gemma, product of the intense and gloriously messy affair he had with Liza in New York. He'd never even seen the kid. Beady Eye was in shambles. His one good thing was Debbie. Things had changed for Noel, as well. He had a second son, Sonny. He'd married Sara. He'd been quite ill, Mam had informed him, but she'd been cryptic about it. For some reason Liam had gotten it in his head it was something to do with his heart. He made a silly joke about not being certain Noel even had a heart to begin with, and Debbie had shaken her head sternly.

"Should be easy to maintain," Noel said, eyeing Liam's hair. "No need to style and blow-dry."

"We gonna talk about your barnet now?" Liam said irritably. "Loads more white now." 

"Sara says it's distinguished."

Liam let his eyes settle on Noel's face and hair, drinking him in. He shrugged in grudging agreement, earning a small nervy smile from Noel. Liam had the sudden uncontrollable impulse to touch him right then and there. Just to check his heart was beating, just in case. 

"Mam said...and I read about you being ill and that," Liam said awkwardly. 

"Two years ago. Anyway, you've had glandular fever before. If you're worried I'm still contagious, just don't...you know…" he stopped right there and looked petrified.

"Just don't what?" Liam asked. Snog the face off you?

"You know," Noel said distractedly.

"But you're better now, yeah?"

Liam leaned in close then, put one hand over Noel's heart and pressed his lips fleetingly to his ear. Noel was frozen in place, then his hand came up to cover Liam's. He'd turned his head slightly, and for one insane moment Liam was sure he was going to kiss him on the mouth. His hand tightened over Liam's for a split second, his blue eyes flashing with sudden emotion.

"You're unbelievable," Noel said in a low voice. Then he pulled away and disappeared into the throng.

Liam felt stunned, stung and then confused. For a few minutes he stood there trying to decide how Noel had meant it. 

You're unbelievable. Had he hissed it, angry as a snake?

You're unbelievable. Incredulous and disgusted. 

You're unbelievable. Sad. Filled with regret.

Admiration. Longing. You're unbelievable.

Liam, he moaned under his breath. You're _unbelievable._

Liam had replayed the little scene in his head so many times he was no longer sure what had really happened. For years afterwards he'd tossed off to the memory of Noel's hand heavy on top of his, his lips curving into a reluctant smile. You're unbelievable. Sometimes his voice was angry, sometimes disgusted, sad, shivering with desire. It didn't make a difference to Liam, he came just as hard regardless. 

Liam looked down at his phone, still nothing. Shame and rage surged up in him. Noel had no heart, no soul, he was cold as ice. Liam sent another message and then another, the tiny text blurring before his eyes. At some point Debbie had gone to bed leaving him alone with his phone and his row of empty beer bottles. He thought of that day again, Noel's hand over his, the way his heart had plummeted to his stomach, that sick feeling of longing, a feeling he'd associated with Noel for as long as he could remember.

After the break up he'd had a recurring dream in which he went to Noel's house to beg him on his hands and knees to return to him. Noel was never home in his dream though, Sara would close the door in his face, and then he'd wake up alone. He'd wake up next to Nic, next to Liza, next to Debbie, just flooded with longing so intense he couldn't breathe. That's how he felt now. He felt like calling a car and driving to Hampshire right now, felt like dragging Noel up against a wall and shouting at him until his throat was raw. He felt like beating him until his knuckles were sore and bloody. He wanted to grip him so hard he left bruises, wanted to slide under his skin and live there. He wanted to tell him everything he'd thought in the last eleven years: that he missed him, that he needed him, that he didn't know who he was without him half the time. That they needed to make things right before it was too late.

Liam fell into that dark place where there was no air, no hope, it stank of emptiness and failure. He could feel Noel's presence, feel the pointedness of his indifference. He started to type out a message, the words tumbling over themselves in his head. All he could think was, don't die you bastard, you cunt, don't you dare leave me. He pressed send without reading the message back. 

_what if you die or I die and thats it you cant take it back i keep dreaming you dead and waking up and not remembering whats what like when you split in L.A. and no1 knew were you were and I dreamed ur plane crashed and you said im a moron cause if 1 of us died the other would kno._

Then he read it over and over again until the words were just gibberish. He tried to picture Noel now, reading this text. He pictured him squinting at the screen, his lips a thin, tight line. That faint bemused, affectionate smile. I love you, Liam thought. I love you, just answer me, you cunt. He sent another couple of texts before he could stop himself.

_c'mon just txt back ur not dead  
_

_Coz if you died I couldnt deal_

Liam put his head down on his arms. His brain was filled with static. He was drunk, but not drunk enough to stop feeling. He picked up his phone again.

"Hello."

"Hey. Hey. What's happened?"

"Nothing. Can't your old dad call without a reason?" Liam slurred.

Lennon sounded like he just woke up, he cleared his throat a few times. "You been on the lash?" 

Liam ignored that. "Remember when you were a kid and you'd get scared and ask me to tell you stuff. Any stuff. And that would make you feel better?" He could picture Lennon at four years old, blond as a buttercup.

"Yeah?" He heard the sound of Lennon lighting a cigarette and inhaling and then the slow exhale.

"Nothing. Just thought of it," Liam said. Listening to Lennon smoke made him itch for a cigarette.

"What's going on, Dad?"

He didn't know how to answer that without breaking a fundamental family rule. It was sometimes okay to slag Uncle Noel off, it was okay to bring him up if Peggy did, but Liam put up a good front with his kids where Noel was concerned. He rarely admitted that he missed him, he never admitted he had regrets. Lennon would probably think he was high if he told him he was afraid of Noel catching that virus from Wuhan.

"Are you upset about the news? All that stuff about the virus? That's what's got you scared?"

Liam grabbed his cigarettes and a bottle of Peroni and stepped out into the garden. 

"Not scared of nish," Liam said, lighting his fag.

"It would be fine if you were, though, you know. I've got mates in Italy. They've been on lockdown for a while now. They go to the shops and exercise a bit but that's it. Probably going to happen here, too, if they can finally get their shit together."

He tried to imagine being at home all the time and not seeing friends and family. Post tour that was pretty much his life anyway, but the idea that he'd only be allowed out for food or for a run made him well angry. Not that much different than life in the nineties, a voice at the back of his head reminded him. Only in those days it was the paps on his heels, not a deadly disease.

"It'll be okay though, Dad," Lennon said patiently. 

"Course it will," Liam said, unconvinced. "Of course." 

He was aware the roles were reversed now. Here he was, expecting his twenty-year-old son to comfort him, tell him it was all going to be okay. Lennon seemed to take it in stride. 

"When I was a kid I was scared of insects. Like...I saw a bug and I'd freak the hell out. You always got Nic to kill them for me and you never laughed. You were great. Anaïs once told me she'd put a dead fly in my trainers and I was dead afraid to put them on for ages. You'd shake them out for me every time, no fail," Lennon said. "Never rolled your eyes at me and told me to get on with it like Mum."

"Well disgusting, aren't they? Insects. All them legs," Liam said, scrunching up his face and sticking out his tongue.

"Yeah. Still not a fan," Lennon laughed. "Gene keeps threatening to buy me chocolate covered cockroaches."

"With his own money? That's brotherly love right there."

Lennon let out a snort of laughter. Liam felt better already. The kid reminded him of Patsy. She'd had a calming effect on him, too. He'd only have to look at her, just look into her eyes to feel safe and cared for. Not that Debbie didn't calm him—she did—but she knew how to push him too. Like Noel. Noel had the opposite effect on him. He only had to look at him some days and he was spoiling for a fight. There had been rare occasions, however, when Noel had managed to talk him down from certain incarceration. If he needed someone to talk him out of murder he'd choose Noel and Lennon even before Debbie or Peggy. He wasn't sure why. It had to do with an element of no nonsense.

"Wine gum," Liam said, suddenly remembering.

"Pardon?" Lennon asked.

"That's what Anaïs put in your shoe. A wine gum. Black one."

"A black one? Seriously?"

"Yeah. Her dad said she must have got that attitude from her mam, wasting a perfectly good black one." A flush spread across Liam's face when he mentioned Noel.

"That's what he said, yeah?" Lennon asked, he sounded pleased and a little surprised.

"Yeah. He was a little proud, too, that she scared the living shit out of you." Liam couldn't keep the affection out of his voice.

"Did you hear from him?" Lennon asked quietly. "Uncle Noel. Did he call? What with everything going on in the world?"

Liam thought about telling Lennon about the accidental text. He thought about telling him that he'd called Noel so many times tonight he'd lost count.

"Nah," Liam said after a while. He rubbed his arms through the sleeves of his jacket against the chill. "Nothing."

"He will, you know," Lennon said. "I'm sure of it."

"You're a prophet now, are you?" Liam laughed. He stubbed out the tail-end of his cigarette and dropped it into the ashtray they kept next to the backdoor. "An oracle?"

"Sure." Lennon said confidently. "Runs in the family."

"Yeah? Who predicted what?"

"Mum said Nic would leave you because you'd get someone pregnant," Lennon smirked.

"Eh...not prophetic power. That was just realism."

"Past tense? No more secret siblings?" Lennon teased.

"Secret?" Liam laughed. "Secrets ain't exactly my strong point. No more siblings. No more women."

"Just Debbie."

"Debbie's the one," Liam said firmly.

"Yeah," Lennon said. "I'll drink to that next time we meet."

"I'll drink to it now. Might as well." He downed the last swig of his beer and set the bottle down.

"Love you," Lennon said fondly.

"Love you, too."

"Did you eat it?" Lennon asked all at once. "The black wine gum? Ate it, didn't you?"

"Did I eat it? That's minging, that is!" Liam exclaimed. "Did I eat it? Washed it off, didn't I? Then I ate it."

Lennon exploded into sounds of raucous disgust and they said their goodbyes doubled over with laughter. Liam went back in the house, fed the cats and then cleared away the empty bottles. He was exhausted, but loads more zen. He grabbed his phone off the table and headed towards the stairs to bed, then noticed the notification clear as day on the screen. His heart skipped a beat. He must have received it while he was talking to Lennon. Wasn't that always the way? The minute he stopped waiting the universe gave him what he needed. 

_I’m not dead._

**Author's Note:**

> The story actual Liam tells is that he ran into Noel at a game and tweaked his nipple and kissed his ear. I tweaked it a bit for this story. 
> 
> Special thanks to Jane for letting me borrow your phobia.
> 
> Are things finally moving? What do you think, dudes and dollies?


End file.
